Joyous Season, my ass!

What is supposed to be the end to a joyous season and the beginning of a wonderful New Year, isn't starting or ending like it should. The truck decided she no longer wants to run; easy fix since its just the battery, that would be the case if I had the hundred bucks it will take to fix it. Then my school computer decided it would quit working. Oh don't get me wrong I have a nice Mac, it just doesn't have the software I need to do my school work. That leaves one more bad thing to happen before midnight.

Oh and did I mention we are in the process of moving when Tiger decided she wasn't going to run?

My step dad doesn't help matter with me either since he is bitching about constantly having to jump her and "possibly draining his tiny battery". He is one of those men I just want to bitch slap the shit out of!

Thats how my life goes anyway. Just as shit starts to get great, it crashes down. Yes I know I shouldn't think like that as it will pull the negative energies my way, but how am I supposed to think different when I've tried so damn hard to change the way things head? Only for them to crash back down?

I'm tired and mentally exhausted. I don't know where I am or what to do anymore. Cutting just isn't enough. My mom doesn't need this shit right now. This would be the time where I'd want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay.....

Today marks the 2nd time in 4-5 years that I am thinking suicidal thoughts! Wow twice in a month...... Sure the things that are wrong could be worse and might not seem suicidal to some, but its these type of things all at once that just trigger me.

Till another time.......

Ready to Crack

For the most part I am a wonderfully happy person, who cherishes the Holidays. Yesterday and today I am a derangged animal waiting to be let out to terrorize people. Mainly my fucking step-father who cant seem to find it in that fucked up head of his to shut the fuck up for the first time in his life. The comments he makes are annoying,he criticizes everything and everyone, he is a rude person, he knows everything, and always has the noise up on his computer so he can hear this loud screaching noise every once in a while. I can hear him over my head phones and its driving me insane. I can not deal with him this year! Why doesn't his ass just go back on the road!

Normally I try to keep the peace for my moms sake. But he is really pushing my limits since he has been home. I was doing so damn good controling my temper to, but now all I want to do is smack the hell out of him. I really wish she would find her a different man, but for some reason she loves him and keeps him around. Mom did a nice thing and bought me a head set yesterday, as she knows I don't need his sarcastic mouth talking to me. He is critcal of everything.

Note to bloggers; Some who is an Associopath and Someone with Bipolar DO NOT MIX WELL