As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

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"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Mixed Ramblings.....

Good Morning!

I don't say that full of spunk or feeling full of life. I say it half heartedly, well because thats how I am feeling this morning. My life, my thoughts, the "what do I do's", and the need to hide from the world is just lying there on top of my mind ready to reach out and scream. But I have to ask myself why I feel the need to reach out and scream. School's going awesome! My life has no real major issues right now. Love suck's (for me it normally seems to go that route. LOL)

Maybe I'm just sexually frustrated. LMAO, after all it has been a while! Come to think of it, I WANT some damn good sex! I want to unleash the tiger inside of me. I want to scream, holler, and be made to beg for more. If that were to have happen; it would be a first in my life. Hell I could fill the pages of another blog on a daily basis with this type of shit!

And now on to lighter news and recovery.....

My step-father is now 90% disabled. He has NO restrictions. However he feels he can no longer work, got a disability sticker for his car, is in the process of applying for SSI and now feels he should have to do not a damn thing but hold down his computer chair during the day. Leaving me to cook and clean and my mom to feel even more stressed out due to bills and so on. Not a pretty environment for me around here since all I want to do is strangle him.

I knew I should have been a hit-man when I grew up. LOL. Kids always want to be the strangest things,  more then always it involves some form of authority figure: Teacher, Cop Doctor, Fireman, for me it was a Hit-Man. Strange I know, but it's true! Do they even have a school for that? LOL After spending years of being abused I always thought it would be cool to be able to come back, find the men in my life who did it and just off them. Stalk them like an animal, figure out how I was going to do it and then slowly watch the life go out of them. Sounds cool to me. LOL. But I know in my heart of hearts that I could NEVER take another persons life. Guess I wouldn't make a very good hit-man then eh? LOL

Being positive and trying to see the good in everything I do is very hard for me. If you remember I was writing 5 "grateful" things a day on my blog or each time I wrote in it, but then I stopped. So we are going to try to get back into the swing of things and see if I cant start doing them again and stick with it.

5 Things I am Grateful for:

1) Warming weather
2) Grandma getting better more each day
3) My pup enjoying his new ball
4) the fact I wake up each day
5) being able to look at the stars each night.

1 comment:

Larry said...

Lori, you are a unique person unlike anyone I have ever known. I can relate to your frustrations and the dislocation of peace of mind. We are so similar in our fears and miscobulations. You are a light for me and will remain so, you are missed and thought of often.