Being in the hospital last night for 9 hours really gives you time to think and think away I did. I realized, analyzed, and contemplated everything in my life that could change for the better and decided what I could and couldn't throw out. I decided that while I am taking a very big hand in my own recovery, I'm overwhelming myself by taking on to much at once. I'm trying to recover from my Borderline Personality Disorder, go to group and other therapies, take care of my grandmother, go to school, babysit all the adults in the house, figure out my Bipolar Disorder, and so much more. Something will have to go away! I have decided that since I'm on Bipolar medication and that seems to be stabilizing out, that my Bipolar can sit on the shelf for now and I'll keep taking the medication. Babysitting the adults will have to go to! They should be able to take care of themselves, course they might like that idea, but OH WELL.
Speaking of the other adults, I have noticed that I as I am in the process of my recovery, learning new ways to control my emotions, and sticking up for myself, that they have a tendency to get very pissy and defensive. THEY DO NOT LIKE THE RECOVERING LORI!! LOL. Do you honestly think I care? Nope! I am truly starting to like her and that just makes me happier then a clam in a cream sauce!
Recovery: is the process of gaining control over one's life - and the direction one wants that life to go - on the other side of a Psychiatric diagnosis.I love that definition of Recovery! It fits me to a "T". Granted I will always be in recovery in one form or another, but who says I can't have control over MY life! It pisses me off to see those that I love and respect sitting around, doing nothing with their lives or not doing a damn thing to improve upon their lives or their condition what ever it may be. But do I get mad enough to cut or throw temper tantrums? Not anymore! (cheering section please)
Dr. Munching has upped my Anxiety pills though to where I am now taking them daily and as needed. I feel he did this as I am feeling whatever causes my anxiety even more as opposed to where I used to hide under the rug. So in my mind, even though I'm taking more pills, this is a good thing as it means I am "feeling" more!
Ok enough ranting for today! LOL
5 Things that I am Grateful for:
1) That I did not have a heart attack last night!
2) That I do feel I am in Recovery and am Happy about it.
3) That my son chose to call me at 3am last night cause he needed help.
4) That mom made it home safely from Seattle.
5) That I have one week of school left and I had a awesome Semester!
2 comments:
Wow! I can totally relate to wanting to fix it all at once! I am a recovering addict, have BPD, Bipolar and active bulimia. It gets so overwhelming trying to figure out where to start wading through the mess. There are some similarities between DBT therapy and the 12 steps. Which could help a lot if I worked either of them better. For me, first and foremost is staying sober, then it's consistently taking my meds. Without those, my perception is so warped that I couldn't work my way out of it if I tried! I'm glad to have found a link to other people with similar struggles. I can't do it on my own!
It's hard for us to do things on our own threw our recovery. Thats why we need to have support systems in place. When we can't do it, we need to have someone there to push us in an effective manner. Word of advice: find a WRAP (wellness recovery action plan) class if you can. They can help you put a support system into place.
I am always here if you need someone to talk with!
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