As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

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"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Adventures and New Questions....

If you can't tell from my lack of posts, school has started again. I'm taking more classes and loving the tightness of my new schedule, so things will be a little slow going on the blog till I can get into the swing of things.

I am also trying to join the YMCA here so that I can lose weight, get fit, and feel better about myself, (which I think is a huge benefit to those of us with some sort of mental disorder). Our YMCA has a scholarship program that helps those with little or no income obtain a membership. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I get it otherwise this week of torture will be for nothing! I have been going daily since signing up on the free weeks pass that they gave me, so I've been doing good.

Tomorrow I am back down at the homeless shelter to cook. I love doing that sort of thing, but I do know my mind isn't exactly stable enough just yet to be playing with sharp objects constantly. I have finally gone threw boxes and bagged up 8 bags worth of clothing from my closet and my mom's closet to take with me tomorrow. My mom needs to be on that show "Hoarders". LOL. On a serious note, she isn't actually that bad, but damn does she love to thrift store shop, even if she wears the clothing only once, hell sometimes not even at all, she still has to have it. To top it off, she brings me things I WILL NEVER WEAR! I just thank her, wait till she leaves the room, then shove them into my goodwill bag. LOL. I love my momma, but she needs to steer clear of shopping for me.

I was driving over to Wellness City the other day and as I came up to the light I saw a man come out of the woods between the road I was on and the freeway. He was homeless and had a make shift tent there, along with his dog. I couldn't resist so I gave him my last dollar, told him I wished I could do more for him, then went on my way as the light changed. I've been homeless, I just never had the courage to panhandle like that. Here in NC, panhandling is a profession as long as you go down to the county clerks office, get a permit, buy a reflective orange vest, and then get your license. Since when did being homeless become a profession? It makes me wonder how many of these people actually need the help that they are so begging for. It makes my heart bleed to see almost every street corner filled with people hoping the next car will give them a buck or two. How many of them have a drug or alcohol issues? Mental Issues? Have nothing wrong with them but just don't want to work. You never know which one your dealing with, but if your like me, you feel bad if you don't and still feel back when you do help them.

I read a very insightful article today about Mindfulness bringing Happiness. I do hope you'll take a minute or two to read it. I now believe that Mindfulness does bring happiness, but you have to work at it, it just doesn't happen overnight. So don't get discouraged and give up. Keep pushing forward....

And now for my grateful list....

1) I am soo happy school has started again. Thank You Capella!
2) I am grateful for being able to overcome a MAJOR trauma issue last week
3) I am grateful that I wrote my dad a letter, thanking him for telling me he is proud of me.
4) I am grateful for the little things I have been over-coming on a daily basis.
5) I am so grateful that I am done with my WRAP class!

Have a wonderful night all. Please take a minute to pray for the WV families that lost their husbands, uncles, dads, grandpas, cousins, and so on in the mine accident last week.

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