As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

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"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Bah Humbug? I think not.

Normally this time of year, my Bipolar is at full rage. This is the time of year where I do truly STUPID things and while I can't control them now, I always regret them later. This is also when I normally uncontrollably cut due to being in full rage. This week has brought on some major issues that normally would have sent me over the top, but yet they didn't. Which really goes to show me that I am TRULY doing better then I thought I was.

For starters I found out I am now diabetic. Now normally this would send people into a tailspin and they would flip out thinking it is the end of the world. I didn't though. I took it with a grain of salt and rolled with it. My doctor was actually surprised at how calm I was, so needless to say I shocked her as well. LOL. I am now on a very low calorie diet (probably to low actually), a strict exercise regime, and have to poke and stick 3 times a day. Give me 6 months and I will be on my way to not needing the medicines!

The second thing that happened to me this week is that I had to quit my job. I LOVED that job! But for those of you who know where I work, you also know I was crazy for doing it. I was driving 2 hours each way for work, staying in a hotel while down there, then coming home when my work was done. I was paying my work to go to work when medicaid cut our consumers hours. So I knew it was time to let go and tell them I wouldn't be returning. I did tell them that I wouldn't quit if they could get me a minimum of 25 hours as that would cover my gas and hotel, but they couldn't do it. So all the money I have put into my training will sit and collect dust until I can find another job like the one I had. I adored my job so I do hope I don't stay off work to long. I am hoping they will pick me up for the Raleigh office! Keep your fingers crossed please.

I have too much passion to be a unemployed Peer Specialist! LOL

And I haven't cracked or cut!

The final thing that happened this week is that our heater decided it was done working. The heater chose the coldest week it could to stop heating. So I have been hiding in my room with my dog and my Iguana like the insane Aunt no one wants the rest of the family to find. LOL. We went 3 days with no heat and below freezing temperatures before it got fixed, only to break down again. It is now up and running and trying to heat the house. I am still bundled under 2 coats. LOL

And I'm still in good spirits!

By now, my Bipolar or hell even my Borderline Personality Disorder would have kicked my ass, but this  time around, I am very PROUD of myself for not letting it. For me this year has been a terrific year filled with many new beginnings, a lot of peacefulness, and healing like I never knew before. I'll write about it in my year end blog, so stay close by. I have met many who have helped me more then they realize or could even begin to know and I am very thankful for those people.

Reach out and get the help you need, it may surprise you where it comes from. Oh and if you haven't, be sure to check out my Recovery Blog! I am even in the process of starting my own business. So yes it has been a POWERFUL year!!!!

Lets get back to my grateful list:

  1. I am grateful being able to wake up each morning
  2. This morning I am grateful for heat
  3. I am grateful for my family (wow did I just say that? LOL)
  4. I am grateful that school is almost done and I will be a sophmore
  5. I am grateful for being able to share this will you all instead of hiding in my misery. Thank You!


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about all that stuff, but I'm SO glad you're doing so well in spite of it! Keep up the great attitude!


A Wanderer's Mind said...

Thanks Elyse. Its nice to see your doing well also...