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As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

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"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A New Low... Bulimia

Overcoming Bulimia: Your Comprehensive, Step-By-Step Guide to Recovery (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

I am out of cash, there for I can't buy the one thing that held me from all my other past addictions; smoking.  I can't afford to buy the cigerretes that kept me from drinking, wanting to do drugs, or from my food addictions. So I have started bingeing and purging.

I don't eat for days, then when I do eat, I eat mass amounts, then go vomit. Mom had every right to worry I would start doing that again. Because it came true.

As a teenager who was always over weight, bingeing and purging came in handy for me. My dad was constantly on my ass about my weight, my mom didnt really seem to care about it, my grandma always had me at TOPS or weight watchers meeting. All the while unbeknown to them I was bulimic. I was always a miserable fat kid! Specially since my family seemed to take it into their own hands to "force" me to go to these meetings and take diet pills, making my Bulimia even worse.

The summer before my junior year, I lost 110 pounds. I did it on a mixture of bingeing and purging and white crosses. I was happy, I then got a boyfriend, I actually went out and did things, then I got pregnant and gained all the weight back and then some. It has been down hill ever since.

Mom asked me a few weeks ago if I was bulimic again. I honestly answered her no, which was the case. Then about a week ago I ran out of cash and started digging myself raw and bingeing. Now I can't stop. Smoking for me has always been my addiction of choice since I had quit doing all the other things that are bad for you, ie: drugs, alcohol, sexual, food addictions, and yes even self mutilation. So for me smoking has had it benefitts.

Bulimics on Bulimia

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