As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

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"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Interesting Thoughts

The interesting things about my days are that they never are the same. Most people go through the same day in, day out, not me. My emotions are completely topsy-turvey each day, my reactions to them are all over the map, and my actions are all over only god knows where. Some days I'm a zombie, waiting in the dark room waiting for my first victim, other days you can't get me to calm down and take a deep breath. I realize this is highly due to my Borderline Personality Disorder or it could be from my Bipolar; either way I'll never know since the 2 are soo closely related.

I want my life to slow down, I want my mind to really slow down and take a look at things so that I may finally stop and breath! I think that's the biggest goal I have, making my mind stop and breath!I want to be able to finish something that I start and start some of the damn ideas that filter through my head as I know I would be so damn good at many of them. If you asked anyone, they would tell you I am a thinker and that if I put my mind to something I can go far in this world, problem is; I need my mind to slow down!

I just found out I am a published Author, lol, of PORN. I have a conflicted interest when it comes to BDSM and so I used to write stories about it from both the submissive and the dominant side, stuck one on a website to sell and I now have a check on the way for 20 whole bucks! LOL. Course it has only been there since 2008, but I think its a start and it makes me want to write and put more on the site. Yes I am excited, even if it is only $20.00. Where oh Where will my next perverted idea come from? LOL

Well my school laptop went into the pawnshop to make my truck payment. I didn't freak out about it as bad as I did the last time, but I did get upset. Then I sat myself down and gave myself the 3rd degree for getting into this mess. But I got over it and even gave my truck a lecture yesterday even though it's not her fault her momma has a stupid side a few times a year. LOL

Ok on to my grateful list:

1) Today I am grateful for the $20.00 thats on its way.
2) I'm grateful for being able to write, think, and put my thoughts and actions down on paper.
3) I'm grateful for school starting tomorrow. I have the first chapters read in both subjects already.
4) I'm grateful my WRAP class is almost done so I can move on.
5) I'm very grateful for the woman who is my mother. She has saved me more then she knows and I am thankful to have her in my life. I love you mom!

1 comment:

Stacy said...

Way to go on being published! And good luck with your classes starting.
Take care of you!