The interesting things about my days are that they never are the same. Most people go through the same day in, day out, not me. My emotions are completely topsy-turvey each day, my reactions to them are all over the map, and my actions are all over only god knows where. Some days I'm a zombie, waiting in the dark room waiting for my first victim, other days you can't get me to calm down and take a deep breath. I realize this is highly due to my Borderline Personality Disorder or it could be from my Bipolar; either way I'll never know since the 2 are soo closely related.
I want my life to slow down, I want my mind to really slow down and take a look at things so that I may finally stop and breath! I think that's the biggest goal I have, making my mind stop and breath!I want to be able to finish something that I start and start some of the damn ideas that filter through my head as I know I would be so damn good at many of them. If you asked anyone, they would tell you I am a thinker and that if I put my mind to something I can go far in this world, problem is; I need my mind to slow down!
I just found out I am a published Author, lol, of PORN. I have a conflicted interest when it comes to BDSM and so I used to write stories about it from both the submissive and the dominant side, stuck one on a website to sell and I now have a check on the way for 20 whole bucks! LOL. Course it has only been there since 2008, but I think its a start and it makes me want to write and put more on the site. Yes I am excited, even if it is only $20.00. Where oh Where will my next perverted idea come from? LOL
Well my school laptop went into the pawnshop to make my truck payment. I didn't freak out about it as bad as I did the last time, but I did get upset. Then I sat myself down and gave myself the 3rd degree for getting into this mess. But I got over it and even gave my truck a lecture yesterday even though it's not her fault her momma has a stupid side a few times a year. LOL
Ok on to my grateful list:
1) Today I am grateful for the $20.00 thats on its way.
2) I'm grateful for being able to write, think, and put my thoughts and actions down on paper.
3) I'm grateful for school starting tomorrow. I have the first chapters read in both subjects already.
4) I'm grateful my WRAP class is almost done so I can move on.
5) I'm very grateful for the woman who is my mother. She has saved me more then she knows and I am thankful to have her in my life. I love you mom!
As I wander the earth in search of my peace and happiness, this is where I'll post my rants where it concerns my mental health as I discover things about my Bipolar Disorder, my Borderline Personality Disorder, and other medical issues. Here is where you will read and explore the things I am going through.
Disclaimer
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If you are having thoughts of death or suicide, call 1–800–273–8255 (TALK), or if you need immediate assistance, call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room
"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.
1 comment:
Way to go on being published! And good luck with your classes starting.
Take care of you!
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