As I go to counseling and talk to my family and friends, the truth of things that have happened to me or that I have done will come out. Some will be graphic, others sad, some might just be angering for others. For all this I am sorry, but it needs to come out so that people can understand where my depression and anger come from. There for I do want to apologize a head of time and please don't be afraid to comment or leave your thoughts on my Blog. Thank You.

Need Immediate Help?

If you are having thoughts of death or suicide, call 1–800–273–8255 (TALK), or if you need immediate assistance, call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room
"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself" ~~Thomas Jefferson.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Teaching and Disappointment

I was supposed to teach a Intro to Computer class today at Wellness City, not one damn person that signed up for it showed. That to me was VERY disappointing! But you now, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would or it normally would have in the past. I harped on it for a few minutes and then it went away. Yes I know I'm harping on it now. LOL

But it got me thinking; was/am I like that? Did I tell people I would be somewhere and not show up? How common is that for those of us with a Mental Illness? I can imagine that it is a huge battle trying to get us (people with Mental Disorders) to go some where or do something,  I just hadn't really thought about it before until I started doing volunteer work or I began down my road to recovery.

It also made me think about all the different ways I may have been "flakey" and it really made me see a lot of others are that way and while I know I'm not the only one who suffers from this or that I always wanted to "believe" I was the only one with issues that I had. I still have to fight or force myself to get up and go to group or my other appointments, but I do it because I know someday I will have a semi normal life, but again who defines normal. LOL

My grammy made a comment the other day; "I'm so proud of you Lori, your in a great place now. That means I can start talking in a degrading manner to you again." Uhm, hello! No you can't old woman! Thats what I'm trying to avoid, specially from my own family. Gee and we wonder why I need the help. You know I wondered if I would be able to forgive her for saying it and I guess I did to a point. But where does she get off saying shit like that. Never mind the fact she is 84, I'm NOT letting that be an excuse for her. OK, rant on Grammy done!

A few "thank you's" for today are; to S thank you for the comments on my blog I do enjoy reading them and yes I've been through DBT, to my girl M thank you for the laughs when I need them the most, and to my dearest friend L you always have a place in my heart and you seem to know when I need to talk the most. Thank You to all you guys, your words and laughter help more then you know!

Now for my grateful list;

1) I am grateful for Wellness City and the chance to get to know everyone down there.
2) I am thankful for the oppritunity to have a interview with Urban Ministries to possibly become a volunteer there.
3) I am grateful for the sun shining and the birds chirping each more I wake up.
4) I am thankful to my sister who kindly made me bumper stickers and left off the mean parts my mom and I came up with! Love you Bean!!!!
5) I am grateful to the people who chose to read my blog every time I write something new....


No comments: